Poems after being half blind

Had an interesting experience yesterday. I tried to meditate and couldn't then something seemed to fly into my eye but I couldn't find anything but it hurt really bad. It kept hurting all afternoon and I could barely concentrate on anything and I couldn't read cause it hurt to move my eye back and forth. Then last night my eye just stopped hurting and I got all inspired to write poetry and find some understandings. Might not be the worlds best poetry but it means a lot to me.

Four Gifts

A stony doorway
Entrance to mystery
The stones are singing and I shall enter

A shining sword
Sheathed in justice
The blade is calling I shall find honour

A sturdy spear
Swift and unfaltering
The weapon thrown I shall know peace

A mighty cauldron
Empty yet bountiful
The meal awaits I will have contentment

The Blue Lady

The Blue Lady calls
In my dreams…she speaks
In wisdom
In vision
With love
She is me
She is Goddess
She is Creation
I know her name
I know her face
She does not ask for worship
She only acts for love
I am student
I am daughter
I am self
I would listen in the stillness


The Guise of the Goddess

I am the Mother
I am the Maiden
I am the Crone
In blue gowns I am the teacher
In my green I am new life
In deep pauses I am the olde one
In this game I am the dice
I am Goddess
Of Lowing Water
Of Ending Night
I am the Snowfall
I am the Moonlight
I am the Burning
I am the Owl’s flight
I am the one in the twilight of sunset
I am the laughter in the chilled grasp of dawn
I am the embrace as you cross between worlds
I am the first light as you are reborn
I am the equal
I am the consort
I am the peace
When the battle is fought
I am the melody
That the night wind cries
I am the Goddess
With names for each guise

Drummers Thought

The running waterfall
Cascading from the face
The eternal running man
A calling of your race

Getting published

I just heard back from WIML and my short story has been selected to be published
*bounces off the walls some more*
I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy.
My first thing to be published! So now I really need to get my A into G and finish my manuscript and get it sent away so I can be a world famous author...look out JK Rowling haha.
The publication will be out in December
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bounce bounce bounce.

Can you tell I'm happy

The Truth of the Cards

The Wheel Turns learn to ride with the dragon
I chain myself
Creeping in dark passageways stealing and hiding my fire
I must take the high ground & stand unafraid reflecting
The warring of black and white of my soul cannot distract my matriarch, myself
I am judgement as this time of my soul dies who will I let myself become
I call two halves to me to make my balance
As I climb I see what waits for me and I know I am expected
In determination from conflict, I will not let it walk away from me I desire contemplation and contentment with the fruits of my endeavours
Only in divine unity can I find creation
In rainbow, in sea I find my family
In law bound together
There is completion, eternal unity

This is who I would be.
Warrior, Victor, Queen, Consort. T
he power of fire flows in and around me
I find the fire inside myself in my true nature
I am the Dragon
I am the Queen
I am the Fire
I am

The Pipers Calling

Come out
Come out
Come out
All the worlds a show tonight
There is no right
There is no wrong
All you can feel
Is the words of my song
Come out and follow
Come out and dance
Come out and free
Your soul at last
This is the moment
This is the test
Will you remain
Behind with the rest

My Sacrifice

I cross my heart
I die for you
I walk away and
Start Anew
It is all I can do
To save your soul

I’m bleeding
And I'm dying
Your eyes are dry
Not crying
Perhaps you have
No immortal soul

I feel nothing
The world is cold
My sacrifice
To save your soul

Do I love you?

Do I love you?
Is that the secret locked inside
Do you love me?
Or is it a trick of my pride

Could this be love or do I pretend
Thinking I want you as more then a friend

I think I am dwelling
Seeing what isn’t there
So why is my heart yelling
That we both truly care

I'm confused and I'm shaking
Scared of both our hearts breaking

I'm locked in a kaleidoscope with you
You’re part of everything I think or say or do
Reminded of you at every turning
Unable to focus consumed by my yearning
I constantly have that sore gut feeling
From my frayed nerves that are still reeling

Do you not feel it or do you pretend
Do you see and dream me as lover or friend
I'm trying to fight my overwhelming attraction
But things you do keep causing reaction

I'm only getting started you once said
Was it just a lie so you wouldn’t see me dead?
You lead me on and then treat me mean
Is this the only way you know to keep me keen?
For your boyish humour and charming way
Have already hooked me to my dismay
23 March 2005

Regret – The Broken Heart Remaining

I’m sorry that I hurt you
I’m sorry that you cry
I’m not the perfect woman
You thought you saw inside

I want to try before I go
I want to heal your pain
I want to dry your eyes
So you can start again

I’m sorry that I hurt you
I know the pain that haunts you
I’m sorry that I hurt you
Yours will be the heart that taunts me

A Kiss in The Darkness

This is a song I wrote...unfortunately I have no ability to create the music to accompany it

25 July 06

Reaching
Searching
Waiting
Breaking
A hand in the darkness
A kiss of forgiveness
If I was beside you
Could you bequeath this

Do you this its fair
Did I have the choice
You held me near
But I cannot rejoice

I
Hate
You

I
Need
You

The master awakens
My task is forsaken
Would you forgive me
If I came and kissed thee

Do you think its fair
To give me the choice
When you’re not near
All I hear is your voice

Hoping
Hating
Feeling
Waiting
Do you
Do you

I
Hate
You

The master awakens
My task is forsaken
Would you forgive me
If I came and kissed thee

A hand
The darkness
A kiss
No forgiveness

I
Hate
You
I
Need
You

Immortal Alchemy

Why die innocently
I come to it willingly
Warmth in veins not cold
Thoughts in times not old
A kiss for eternity
A trust for the soul in me
Drawn to fate unrelenting
Surrender unrepenting
Living in a cesspit of lies
Hiding makes me die inside
Holding and hiding
Keep on fighting
Lying content in the snake bed
Truth comes from the fanged head
The one true cup gives life immortal
All its truths I tell

Drake

Wild Passion
Beating red

Walk of the never dead
Secret questions answered

Secrets whispered in the trees
Secrets answered by the breeze

Yearning deep within
Answers flowing under skin
The truth and power of the blood

Blood of my blood
The cry answered

Endless dark eyes
Life of despise
Life red stained chin
Dark or light within
Eternal life path, mortal heart
Hiding in shadows kept apart

Beyond the Mist

In a moment of time
I wait
In the calm of the storm
I wait
In the dance of the trees
In the dance of the breeze
In the warmth of the fire
In the force of desire
In the mountains
In the drum
In the long bow
And the Sun
I watch
I wait
I see
Who will catch a glimpse of me?

"Poetry is just evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash."--Leonard Cohen

Had a little discussion on poetry this morning. At first thinking about this quote I could only think of the poetry I had written in the dark times of my life, the points when I had given up on life and was waiting to check out. The poetry I wrote had much truth and inspiration in it even though in my opinion my life was burning out not burning well.
Then I thought about it, its not what the emotion and inspiration is but the depth and the intensity of it inside you that writes the poetry be it on the downward spiral or reaching dizzying heights.
The response to this was "maybe from one point of view, unless you're sleepwalking and numbing out, your life is always on fire in one way or another" which is truth and lead to another thought from me
Unless we are avoiding life we are always burning just with different coloured flames.


I've tried to write poetry lately but it hasnt flowed its been forced and stale. I need to just let it flow when it wants to. It is water source to be tapped into and used but it is not a well to draw from whenever I wsih but a waterfall that will flow freely or dry up/ice up from time to time to flow again freely when it can and wills once more

Submerged

Away from the world in my bath submerged
My lack of innocence can be purged
In a state of grace I can be whole
I find stillness lurking in my soul
I float contented finding peace
Floating away from the hurt I release
My hatred, my anger, my jealous heart
No longer hurt as they drift apart
No more red verbs no more blue falls
No anguish crowds out silver calls
I float in silver and purple waves
I feel in simple uncluttered ways
I see the truth I see my path
I see this lying in my bath

Manipulate

Warm waves cascading
Red lies breaking
Washign clear
Washing through
I can find
The truth of you
In the stllness two faces show
Two faces I do not want to know
I see you hiding I know your deal
I know how you want to make us feel
I see clear the cracked mirror gone
To watch it fall will not take long

Melancholy and the undetermined sadness

I'm having one of those afternoons where I just feel weird for no reason. And it got me thinking about society and having to hide from friends and associates the truth of our souls.
I know plenty of people who have no idea about my path as a druid or as a spiritualist in any terms. I know I am lucky most of my close friends know and support me, my familt knows and supports (for the most part...my Dad I am sure doesnt know and doesnt want to which is ok I guess as he is not exactly part of my life anyway.)
I know heaps of others who are not so lucky and have to hide "in the closet" as it were from their loved ones. It annoys me and it is sooooooooooo wrong.

Why cant we all just get along :)

The forest of life

Rambling along in peace and sweetness
Welcomed by every flower and tree
One stands strong along the path
Calling out to me
Its flowers are soft its leaves are bright
It speaks in whisper and calls me friend
It beckons me over with scent and sight
Not once do I think its words pretend

Suddenly its branches grab at my hair
It pierces my skin I run in fear
It calls after me of a misunderstanding
It calls after me in a tone less demanding
Its apologies call me back once again
Like I fool I return for more pain

I am trusting & believe its apologies real
I like this tree it is friend...on occasion
It leaves me confused unsure how to feel
How can I forgive all the wounds and abrasions

The Turtle

It holds the earth
Upon its girth
It is the phantom God

We would know
And we could grow
In the presence of this God

It moves slow
And we would know
The mind of our God

Is it
Not
Is it
Real

Is it
Taste
Sound
Scent or
Feel

It holds the heart
It knows our part
We do not understand this God

Vision

Lying in bed singing the words of pain written by others. I look up & see the wall before me but I see you. I sense you sitting half a world away, a desk, a computer before you. I see the specks and marks in the wooden wall that sits in front of me but I see the flicker in your eyes as you sense me and feel my pain. You look, we see, divided by distance, seperated by space but we see each other true. I raise my hand and I reach out to touch, palm to palm as hands do kiss. You raise your hand, your brain registers across your eyes defying the motion, screaming of impossibilities, improbabilities and the illogical nature of the action. You hesitate I implore with my eyes, you see and reach. I can feel the heat of your hand, its energy leaping before it to mingle with mine. I feel you so close, our hands almost touching. You are not here, you are not with me, we have never met but in this moment we know each other, we sense and see each other and share a need to know, to feel, to sense, to heal. Hands crossing the fabric of space and reality to exist, essences mingling and touching.
The music of my song faes and ends and you slip back into your own place leaving me alone in mine.

The song is done and ended. You are gone and I am alone. It was a moment we shred, no more. But it was truth, it was peace. A moment of energy of spirit of soul. Not trapped in logic and world. A moment shared between two souls linked in ways unknown to them. A moment we shared. A moment brief but lasting, a mark in memory never removed. Will we know again in this life? Will you recognise me in the confines of the real world. Did you see me as I see myself, as the world sees me or as I walk the hallowed halls of the Otherworld. Did you see the woman or the Goddess? And were you true of form and nature or did I see but an illusion of this life's reality.
Will we meet again? Will we know? Will we reach for each other beyong the limits we think we are bound by? Or is it but a moment that faded with the melody leaving empty space.

Two Sabbats In One

A time of endings
A time of beginnings
The promise of the future
The promising of love
Two times in union
Time of blood
Time of season
Intertwine in me
No difference
Strength in each
Acknolwedging
Worhiping
These are my ways
I share with many
With none
My truth
My duality
My heritage and reality
To celebrate in ritual
To honour within

Musings

Yesterday was a very interesting day. The air was very charged with emotion and energy. It was a day where we celebrate and hounour those who fought and died for our country in all the wars gone before. It is also nearing Samhain for us and I believe that had an impact too!
For a few hours there was this really intense feeling. A feeling like I was on the brink, or sitting in front of a mirror and all I needed to do was reach through and I would find truth.
I dont know that I did reach through....

Message

Spirits Crowding
The shaman speaks
Eagle Owl Raven Bear & Boar
A vision A message
A mirror appears
An answer on the other side
TO move through the looking glass
Hand to reach through mercury
To know to see
HOW?
A chance to know
HOW?
Truth, Power, to learn

Within

I am the journey through the night
I am the lesson wrong and right
I am starlight
I am moon
I am sunrise
I am noon
I am the water rushing by
I am the blessing to laugh to cry
I am the story of the blinded son
I am the race before its run
I am the snake that bites its tail
I am the shadow beyond the sail
I am the sleep that comes at will
I am the promise the fates fulfill
I am renewal
I am resource
I am always
I am source

Iseras Firnyndr

Through the cycle of times I wait
In stillness not a harsh word spoken
Wise in justice impartial
There is victory, there is transformation

I am the tree
My Acorns dropped I am reborn
I am the tree
My leaves coloured I am transformed
I am the tree
My truth held I am stillness
I am the tree
My wisdom shared I am success

Breaking the Constraints

I struggle to be real
To be all that I truly feel
I want to find where I belong
To the place I have known all along
I want to free my soul
Contained in this hollow hole
I live in societies constraints
Full of lis and pain complaints
I am not whole I am pretend
I long for this deception to end
I am me not what they see
They fear what I say they wont hear
They lack understanding and conception
They lock me in my deception
I am not free
I am not me
I hide. I lie. I lose. I cry
Forgetting how to fly
Put me down and lock my soul
But you cannot restrain me whole
I break free one step and then
I am free to truly begin

A thought

Draw together reason, logic, madness, sinpiration, creativity, possibility, reality, imagination, passion and probability. Meld them into one and reach past them. See the end of the world where it does not finish. See the universe inside you and watch it reflect back around space, capture time and remove existance, know and feel past nothing and everything and then you can harness power.

Ambrosia

Feed of my life
Sink your teeth
deep
Feel the flow of my pulse
Taste the blood of my power
Drink me long
Drink me deep
Off the edge
Take the leap
Into eternity
Go there with me
See the Gods in
Me Heavenly

Walk through the wall

My husband and I have been discussing different concepts of reality. We were discussing what would really be happening if some one walked through a wall. Would it be
..To the person walking through who manifests there own reality there is no wall (there is no spoon) so they are merely walking the illusion is not theirs but the person viewing it who sees the wall that is not there to the walker
...The person is a part of the whole, they are part of the wall the wall is part of them and so it is simply being at one with the wall and then seperate again
...The person can can change themselves at a molcular lever as well as the wall and moves through the space the wall does not take up

There were many other ideas. It is an interesting concept. I would be keen to hear any others ideas here or email me.

Autumn Equinox

Found the scribbles I wrote at the Autumn Equinox when we were visiting in the Wairongamai valley
None of them are fully coherant and some will in turn be used for other things but I thought I would post the ramblings here

In this place of nature I have found a seat
A rock
Between two boulders strong
Each takes me to olde days
Olde times of those gone by
The moss so ancient lies flat
Spiral after spiral
The eternal symbol that gates the Otherworld

I have seen an olde one
I see only white
But my soul recognises
Knows
I am welcome

A calling for the Equinox

Moonlight Sunlight rising here
Power of Water & Air
Hail to the guardians of the East

Power of the Mother Earth
Guiding us from Death to Birth
Hail to the Guardians of the South

Power of both Air and Water
From the breath of blessed daughter
Hail to the Guardians of the West

Power of the living Fire
Flame to show, flame to inspire
Hail to the guardians of the North

Hidden power of the soul
Running within all we know
Hail to the power Divine

As the Season turns today
Reflect on blessings granted
Equal hours night and day
We reap what we have planted.

Thoughts in the rain

These words came to me from the rain this morning

Water on the Green
Wash me clean
Falling on my soul

Water water everywhere
Dancing in the autumn air
I can feel it on my skin
Cleansing
Without
Within
The air is charged with elemental power
My soul unfolding surging like the flowre

The strings sing about the trees
The drum beats as droplets fall
Hand to earth my spirit aflame
I dance the answer the call

Can you fell what I feel
Though space and time divide us

Céad Mile Fáilte

A hundred thousand welcomes to Caer Cyrdai. The home of this bard. I am Jai. To find out more about me I suggest you visit my website and visit the Caer there. This is my blog for my creative thoughts and musings, for my thoughts on things spiritual and for sharing about my journey on the path of Druid. Feel free to leave comments and thoughts of your own.

Brightest Blessings